Marriage & Sex

No matter what the running joke in our culture may be, marriage is not to be the end of your sex life...it is designed to be the beginning! Biblical marriage is the God-ordained environment where a man and a woman can fully enjoy each other and express their love to each other. Sex is designed to serve marriage through a number of ways:

• Sex enriches a marriage. It's one of the main things that makes a marriage enjoyable. The frequency of spouses' sexual intimacy directly correlates to their overall marital health.
• Sex encourages spiritual growth. At it's root, sex is a physical expression of a spiritual need for union. And (ideally) your spouse was your brother or sister in Christ before he/she was your spouse. So sexual intimacy actually helps your spouse grow spiritually.
• Sex strengthens oneness. Sexual intimacy is an illustration - a literal physical reminder - of the emotional & spiritual oneness that a couple has.
• Sex allows spouses to enjoy each other. Sex feels good because God designed it to be so! He wants married couples to enjoy each other.
• Sex glorifies a marriage. Sex is supposed to be a team sport. It is supposed to love, serve, and bring pleasure to another, not just yourself. Sex celebrates the relationship.

With all this in mind, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 speak of the importance of sex in marriage. Sex is supposed to be exclusive & monogamous and teach us humility (as each spouse "owns" the other). And since spouses are not to "deprive" one another, sex in marriage should be free and frequent!

But are there times when spouses should abstain from sexual intimacy? Yes. Perhaps times of emotional stress & overload, physical injury or illness, travel schedules, or the immediate time after pregnancy are all viable times. But in 1 Corinthians 7:5, there are clear guidelines to adhere to:

• Both spouses agree to it. This should be a harmonious decision. Abstaining because of conflict, selfishness, or manipulation is sin.
• It should be for a limited time. Don't leave it open-ended, make a plan for how long it will last.
• Devote to prayer during the time of abstaining. Like fasting from anything else, the time needs to be used for spiritual growth, seeking direction & wisdom, combating selfishness, and learning to more fully to depend on God and united with Him.
• Come together again. Plan the reunion! Celebrate your love & growth!

There is also a caution at the end of verse 5. If the practice of sexual intimacy or the abstaining from sexual intimacy is happening with the wrong motivation, it leaves a door open to Satan to tear the marriage down through things like anger, bitterness, and adultery (any sexual gratification outside of your spouse).

Marriage is God's only plan for people to have "good sex." Hebrews 13:4 says "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled."