Marriage & Sex

No matter what the running joke in our culture may be, marriage is not to be the end of your sex life...it is designed to be the beginning! Biblical marriage is the God-ordained environment where a man and a woman can fully enjoy each other and express their love to each other. Sex is designed to serve marriage through a number of ways:

• Sex enriches a marriage. It's one of the main things that makes a marriage enjoyable. The frequency of spouses' sexual intimacy directly correlates to their overall marital health.
• Sex encourages spiritual growth. At it's root, sex is a physical expression of a spiritual need for union. And (ideally) your spouse was your brother or sister in Christ before he/she was your spouse. So sexual intimacy actually helps your spouse grow spiritually.
• Sex strengthens oneness. Sexual intimacy is an illustration - a literal physical reminder - of the emotional & spiritual oneness that a couple has.
• Sex allows spouses to enjoy each other. Sex feels good because God designed it to be so! He wants married couples to enjoy each other.
• Sex glorifies a marriage. Sex is supposed to be a team sport. It is supposed to love, serve, and bring pleasure to another, not just yourself. Sex celebrates the relationship.

With all this in mind, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 speak of the importance of sex in marriage. Sex is supposed to be exclusive & monogamous and teach us humility (as each spouse "owns" the other). And since spouses are not to "deprive" one another, sex in marriage should be free and frequent!

But are there times when spouses should abstain from sexual intimacy? Yes. Perhaps times of emotional stress & overload, physical injury or illness, travel schedules, or the immediate time after pregnancy are all viable times. But in 1 Corinthians 7:5, there are clear guidelines to adhere to:

• Both spouses agree to it. This should be a harmonious decision. Abstaining because of conflict, selfishness, or manipulation is sin.
• It should be for a limited time. Don't leave it open-ended, make a plan for how long it will last.
• Devote to prayer during the time of abstaining. Like fasting from anything else, the time needs to be used for spiritual growth, seeking direction & wisdom, combating selfishness, and learning to more fully to depend on God and united with Him.
• Come together again. Plan the reunion! Celebrate your love & growth!

There is also a caution at the end of verse 5. If the practice of sexual intimacy or the abstaining from sexual intimacy is happening with the wrong motivation, it leaves a door open to Satan to tear the marriage down through things like anger, bitterness, and adultery (any sexual gratification outside of your spouse).

Marriage is God's only plan for people to have "good sex." Hebrews 13:4 says "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled."

Biblical Marriage

There's lots of debate on marriage these days. Even though the permanency of marriage isn't valued very much, most people will get married. So what does the bible say about marriage? Here's few quick bullet points:

• It is not good to be alone (unmarried) (Genesis 2:18)
• We are made to marry (Matthew 19:4-6)
• Marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4)
• Prohibiting marriage is demonic (1 Timothy 4:1-3)
• Finding a wife is finding a good thing (Proverbs 18:22)
• Married people make the most ideal leaders (1 Timothy 3:1-12)

The bible is a very "pro-marriage" book because God is a "pro-marriage" God. Marriage is God's idea and creation for our good and His glory. Biblical marriage is a covenant - a God-ordained special promise that is witnessed, ratified, consummated, and remembered. Because of this, marriage is to be honored, respected, treated with dignity, and not gone into lightly.

We then have to ask what the purpose of marriage is. The best place to go to is Ephesians 5:31-32. The Apostle Paul makes a clear connection between marriage and Christ's relationship with the Church. CJ Mahaney defines the purpose of marriage as this: "Marriage between a man and a woman is meant to reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church.” This means two main things:

• Marriage is to be God-centered. Marriage should not be centered on a spouse, a child, or a perceived need (comfort, sexual fulfillment, possessions, lifestyle).
• Marriage is not about our happiness, but is for our holiness. No other relationship will confront selfishness and idolatry like marriage does. God's intention is for the marriage relationship to make his followers more holy and like His Son Jesus.

But what about things like romance, love, and sex? Where do they fit into the marriage conversation? Those things are very important! God gave us an entire book in the bible called The Song of Solomon to illustrate how important love, romance, and sex are in a marriage. But those are just not ultimate things about marriage. Marriage is "deep waters". And only when the "deep waters" of marriage are begun to be understood should a man and a woman humbly enter such a wonderful, sacred relationship.

Next up: Sex & Marriage