Fear

Fear. I didn't really plan on writing about fear just because it's Halloween today, but God showed me some things as I was reading the Word this morning, and 2 & 2 just began to add up.

I stayed up later than I should've last night, since I know I need to get good rest, and also because my 15-month old, Aiden, has been sick and the probability of him waking up in the middle of the night is pretty high (and guess who has middle of the night duty in my house? yup, that's me). And even if he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night, he's an early bird and will usually wake up between 6-6:30am. I haven't willingly woken up at that hour since I was in high school and went in early to work out. Anyway, every cable channel in the world has been playing 'scary' movies the last couple weeks in preparation of celebrating Halloween. As I was flipping through the channels and going back and forth between Sportscenter and whatever else was on, I believe it was Spike TV that was playing the movie "Hellraiser" - the one with the Pinhead character. I kept it on for a little while simply out of nostalgia. When I was in high school, an old youth leader of mine and I watched Hellraiser once. Yeah, that's right - a church youth leader and myself were watching Hellraiser. Go figure. I'm not sure if I thought it was scary then, but it sure wasn't scary now. It was more comical than anything. The horror movie industry has made a strong comeback in the last decade or so. The "Scream", "Final Destination, and "Saw" movies have really gotten people (teenagers & college students mainly) into the theaters screaming and jumping in their seats all over again.

So I'm thinking about fear. People like to be scared in the movies. But people also live in fear and out of fear more than they would admit. People are fearful of commitment, their boss at work, letting their family down, or not being successful at whatever they do - be it sports, school, career, etc. I lump myself into this with everybody else. Confession time: I'm fearful of failing with this church plant...specifically, I'm fearful of me being the one to screw it up. Upwards of 80% of church plants fail (meaning, by year 3 they are not self-sufficient by means of finances & government, and are not seeing non-believers become Christians). That statistic scares me, because it's mostly the planter's fault. He either falls morally, financially, doesn't set the right tone, gets off-focus, and builds the church more around himself than Jesus. And it's real easy to do that.

So it hit me this morning that I am being motivated more out of my fear of failing than out of fear of God. Basically, I'm more focused on me than God. When this happens, life has way more ups & downs (with the downs winning) because that's what I am. But God is unchanging, steady, holy, perfect - all the time. When I live out of my own fear, I become irritable, short-tempered, and impatient (just ask my wife). I'm also unsure and paranoid. Sounds like fun, huh? It really sucks.

So here's what I read this morning that turned the light to all of this: "Oh sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth! Sing to the Lord, bless his name; tell of his salvation from day to day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples! For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the peoples are worthless idols, but the Lord made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and beauty are in his sanctuary." -Psalm 96:1-6.

God is a big, glorious, majestic God. He is to be loved, worshipped, respected, and yes, feared above all gods. There is nothing wrong with fearing God. Think back to the story of the Exodus...the plagues that he sent, the pillar or fire & smoke, and the parting of the Red Sea (which crashed down upon the Egyptians)...this was a God to be feared. But when I begin to live out of fear of failing, disappointing people, or whatever else, that thing then becomes my "little g" god instead of the "big G" God. It becomes an idol, and the scripture above calls is "worthless" - because it is. It brings no worth to my life...remember my list I mentioned earlier? The only thing it brings to my life is irritation, impatience, uncertainty, and paranoia. But living in fear of the true God will bring peace, patience, wisdom, focus, and confidence.

What fear are you living in? Fear that you bring on yourself or that man puts on you? Or fear of the one true and living God? I'm doing some repenting today, and I invite you to join me. Meditate on Psalm 96 to help you.

Peace,

Ryan